The Captain Of My Ship, The Master Of My Soul's Journal
20 most recent entries

Date:2014-11-28 23:52

I am amused by Call-Me-Dave's big speech on immigration today.

He essentially provided an ineffective solution to a non-existent problem, and threatened to leave the whole of the EU over it.

The Europeans must be looking at us like we're quite quite mad.

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Date:2014-11-28 19:00
Subject:Long exposure of a Tesla Coil.


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Date:2014-11-28 11:41

You know, no offence to my American friends, but I am fucking ashamed to see this Black Friday shit in the UK now. The cops have had a busy day today at supermarkets across the country dealing with trouble and fighting.

One Metropolitan officer tweeted: "Even on #BlackFriday shoving people to the floor so you can get £20 off a Coffee Maker is still an assault."

I'd hoped after all the trouble it caused last year when they introduced it for the first time that it would generate more bad press than it was worth, but apparently not because it's even bigger and more hyped this year.

And it's such complete bullshit, these big discount items are only present in such tiny numbers. Like, each Asda had 10 of the tvs and 12 xboxes at the discounted price. Just a scam to get people in the stores.

I just find it very depressing that so many people are prepared to debase themselves before the consumer Gods. Fighting and clawing at each other. God help us if we ever have actual genuine food shortages or rationing or anything ever again.

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Date:2014-11-27 00:20

Geezus, our politicians are so stupid.

Remember the useless aircraft carriers we're building at insane expense to the country?

Turns out we're going to let the Americans operate fighter jets off them, in the interim, because we, of course, are not going to have any jets we can operate off them until 2021 at the very earliest.

Because yes, the British government commissioned two top of the line aircraft carriers, without actually having any aircraft to fly off them.

So the Americans essentially get... free aircraft carriers, while the UK picks up the tab for running and operating them. Which is just... this just gets more and more bonkers.

Of course this all relies on the F35B, the new American VTOL stealth super jet, that is rapidly becoming The Worst Fighter Jet In The World Ever. It's the fighter program that industry experts are already saying cedes American fighter supremency to the Chinese adn Russians, because their current gen stuff is looking 10-20 times better than the F35.

And to be honest I'm not sure the F35B will ever enter production anyway. I think it has so many problems, and is such a bad aircraft, that it will get cancelled, wasting billions upon billions.

And leaving the UK with two aircraft carriers that... we will never fly a single aircraft off.

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Date:2014-11-26 15:24

Ebay advice?

I bought something about 8 weeks ago off a Chinese seller,  yeah, I know, stupid of me.

Contacted them 2 weeks past the end of the expected delivery window because it hadn't arrived, to say, where is it?

And they just informed Ebay it had been delivered with a tracking number that looks... frankly a little dodgy to me.

Has anybody heard of any scam whereby Chinese ebay sellers have a stock of dubious tracking numbers to 'prove' stuff has been delivered when it hasn't?

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Date:2014-11-25 00:17

I was listening to some godawful celebrity reality show on telly while I was working this evening.

And some ex playboy Bunny called Kendra Somethingorother was talking about how she did her Playboy photoshoot and then moved into the Playboy mansion as one of Hugh's girlfriends.

But the remarkable thing is she was saying that she didn't expect she'd have to have sex with him.

And the way it worked was he'd call a girl up to his bedroom for a 'date'.

'Were you expected to go?' Asked one of the other c-listers.

And she said well yeah, it was that or you weren't allowed to live in the mansion anymore. But she didn't think she'd have had to when she moved in.

Now okay, I get that 18 is a young and stupid age. But... really? She didn't think moving into the Playboy mansion as one of a pornographers girlfriends might imply she may be expected to put out?

This sounds like it is time for a poll!

Poll #1990147 Playboy Mansion

Imagine you are a hot 18 year old Playboy model, you've just done your first Playboy pictorial (everybody loved it, you're fabulous) and you're invited to live in the Mansion as one of Heff's girlfriends.

Awesome, free digs, and no bills to pay!
I sort of recognise this will involve having some sort of relationship with him, if I'm his girlfriend.
I'm a black widow, that old bastard is toast.
I'm totally going to nail all the other Playboy models, and occasional sex with an old dude is an acceptable trade-off for that.
I am Hugh Heffner and I am very offended by this poll.
I see the turtle stranded on its back in the desert and I flip it over.
Let's be honest, Hugh Heffner isn't the worst thing I've had to fuck.
I have completely lost track of my line of thought here.
Why the hell am I imagining myself as a Playboy model?
Kittens. For god's sake Simon, Kittens!

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Date:2014-11-24 22:11
Subject:Unretouched Nude Model.

I saw some interesting photos the other day of a model called Lara Stone.

Yeah, I didn't know who she was either, so I googled. "Lara Catherina Stone is a Dutch model. In 2012, she came in 8th on the Forbes top-earning models list."

So presumably a super model.

Anyway, she's had a kid recently, and wanted to do a photoshoot for a magazine where she's completely unretouched. And it's really strikingly  beautiful, and I honestly had a weird moment of dissonance because she looks so much like a real woman, and you're just... not used to seeing real looking women in stills anymore.

Behind a cut, because NSFW, obviously.

And they'll be quite big because I think they're worth reproducing at full size.

Read more...Collapse )

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Date:2014-11-24 18:38

The BBC have been kicking up a storm today about Terrorists. Terror here there and everywhere apparently.

MI5 have thwarted 5 major attacks, but they can't tell us what they were. And the UK stands on the brink of the biggest terror attack since 9/11! Apparently.

And somehow today is the day Theresa May has brought back the Snoopers Charter again, wanting to pass these draconian fascist observation laws. Is this the third time now? I've lost count of how many times they've tried to pass this legislation.  But we need it BECAUSE TERROR!

Meanwhile, that 17 year old girl who went off to Syria is all over the news too, because they've arrested a 21 year old man who accompanied her on the Eurostar  under terror legislation.

And... am I the only one who is deeply concerned that they arrested this guy under terror laws? What's he done? Escorted a 17 year old girl on the train to Turkey? That's a terrorist offence now?

It illustrates, to me, exactly the problem of these new terror laws the government have given themselves over the years, there is always mission creep.  And it's how we've now wound up in a place where brown skinned people with funny names are getting locked up without actually having done anything.

And then they wonder why the Muslim community is getting increasingly hacked off.

Anyway, terror, watch out, we'll all be safe once our Westminster Overlords have us all locked up in Happy Peasant Worker Camps.

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Date:2014-11-23 17:10

Lovely moment in the Grand Prix coverage today, Suzi Braindead Perry says to Lewis Hamilton's father 'What a tremendous day for ENGLAND!'

And he looks at her and says 'No, it's a tremendous day for the UNITED KINGDOM!'

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Date:2014-11-22 23:56

Subtle product placement is subtle.


'Just jam the handbag up under your chin as uncomfortably as you can.... terrific. Looks totally natural.'

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Date:2014-11-21 18:54

By election results today saw cheerful racists UKIP win a seat following defection by ex-Tory Reckless.

What I found infuriating was the BBC kept saying UKIP first, TOry second, Labour third, Lib Dems beaten into 5th place. LIke... they're almost afraid to say 'Green Party' or something.

So... Depressing result for the country. Although the margin is not as great as feared, so the Tories will probably win that back at the next General Election. So, signs of hope that the UKIP bandwagon might be running out of steam.

Fantastic result for the Greens, this should hopefully propel them as a viable alternative to the Lib Dems.

And the Lib Dems... wow. Almost beaten into 6th place by the Monster Raving Loony Party. Well, I suppose they were beaten by a man in a Penguin suit a few years ago.

Labour managed to shoot themselves in the foot again, what should have been a day for highlighting Tory awfulness, and one of their frontbenchers tweets a photograph of a house with some England flags and a white van parked outside, people are outraged, and she's forced to resign. And that's the story from Labour.

Incompetent, is the word that springs to mind.

Rochester and Strood by-election, 20 November 2014[3][29]






UKIP Mark Reckless 16,867 42.1 +42.1

Conservative Kelly Tolhurst 13,947 34.8 -14.4

Labour Naushabah Khan 6,713 16.8 -11.7

Green Clive Gregory 1,692 4.2 +2.7

Liberal Democrat Geoff Juby 349 0.87 -15.5

Monster Raving Loony Hairy Knorm Davidson 151 0.38 N/A

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Date:2014-11-21 16:30

I was driving back home through one of the housing estates in Perth today, and saw a slightly grubby but weirdly coloured transit van parked by the side of the road.

'Honeypot Nurseries!'

... I cannot help but think 'Honeypot' is a very *very* bad name for a nursery...

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Date:2014-11-20 16:16

Apparently Marie Clarie's answer to how to look 10  years younger is to have yourself photoshopped into unrecognisability.

This is apparently Jennifer Lawrence on the cover:


Never in a million years would I have guessed Jennifer Lawrence.

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Date:2014-11-19 19:41

Also, because it's quite rare for me to agree with something the government has done. And this is... twice in one day now.

This american twat-features Julien Blanc who was going to come to the UK to give lectures on How To Make Women have Sex With You By Short-Circuiting Their Logical Minds, essentially by being an abusive assmonkey, has had his visa denied and he's refused access on the grounds he encourages sexual violence.

I cannot help but think that anybody who pays £2000 to attend a seminar on how to pick up women, has got problems so severe that an infinity of seminars is not going to make the slightest bit of difference.

But hey, I think it's quite a good message to send socially, that this sort of bullshit misogyny will not be tolerated.

Though I'm not mad keen on our government holding this power. But in this case they only exercised it because there was a petition of 150k people appealing to the Home Secretary not to let him come and give these seminars here.

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Date:2014-11-19 19:30

Birmingham City Council have done something new today, and publically named six Asian men who have been banned from having any contact with any girl under 18 due to serious concerns that they have been grooming young girls with drunk and drugs.

The reasoning being they didn't have enough evidence to press charges. Because:

1) In one case two of them were caught outside a hotel with a passed out child in the back of their car, found with drink and drugs, and they said the girl had just asked for a lift to the hotel.

2) Another case some of the men were caught in a hotel room in their boxer shorts, with a child on the bed. But nothing had happened guv'nor.

3) In a lot of these cases the girls are unprepared to take the stand and help secure prosecutions because they are troubled, and/or intimidated. Intimidation is a  big part of this apparently, girls are forced to keep quiet and not go to the authorities by gangs of men.

So the authorities have introduced these civil injunctions to stop the men having any contact, and if they do have contact, they can instantly be arrested and charged for violating their injunctions - thus not requiring any evidence or involvement from their victims.

However. The obvious issue is that by having named them, there's a reasonable chance they're gonna turn up hanging from a lamp-post sometime, after a mob gets ahold of them.

I'm in two minds about this. Because I sort of feel that so long as the mob gets the right bastard, then I'm sort of okay with serial large-scale child abusers getting hung from lamp-posts. But at the same time, obviously, mob justice BAAAAAD.

And back to the other hand, I think this actually sounds like quite a good way of protecting children without having to rely on that child pressing charges and cooperating with the oplice.


So, good idea or bad idea?


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Date:2014-11-18 22:28

Gosh, the Robocop remake actually manages to strip out everything that was good and cool and clever about the original, and replaced it with bland predictable crap.

I know, Hollywood remakes a movie and it turns out to be shite, is hardly a new thing. But this really was impressive.

The awesome finale is Robocop walks up to the bad guy, who hasn't really committed all that big a crime, and you can argue that he was trying to do the right thing, and shoots him.


This isn't even a spoiler. You know exactly what is going to happen.

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Date:2014-11-18 14:40

Wait, wut?

Labour will introduce a policy of charging tourists for visas to enter the UK?

To pay for more  border control?


Introduce visa charges for tourists and you 1) put off tourists from coming to this country, and we should be doing absolutely everything we can to bring in tourists, the tourist trade is already suffering hugely.

And 2) other states will introduce similiar charges on British tourists in retaliation.

Hey Labour, how about you be a party with some fucking common sense and maybe start saying 'Hey tiny brained racists, immigration is actually good for this country and here are the numbers that prove it.' Instead of jumping on the UKIP bandwagon.

Bunch of filthy fucking reactionary morons.

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Date:2014-11-17 23:28

Heh. I just got an invite to join the Labour party.

They've dropped the price of membership from £45 to £5.

... it's almost like Scottish Labour are in crisis or something.

I reckon if I hold out they'll pay me a fiver to join up for a year.

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Date:2014-11-15 13:47
Subject:Some movies wot I have seen recently.

Guardians Of The Galaxy.

Uh oh. Unpopular fannish opinion. But... I was sort of bored by this. After having been really looking forward to it. But it was just... it overstayed it's welcome by half an hour for a start. And I thought the single best moment of acting came between the CG tree and the CG Racoon.

And when the rest of the cast gets out-acted by the tree and the racoon? That's not a good sign.

Also my god, it was Orange and Teal. When they actually start putting 3 orange lights on the blue uniforms? Or paint  the spaceships Orange and Blue. Or have the prison painted orange and blue. Or even the bit where they spraypainted the characters orange, and put them against blue background.

I always imagined space might have more than 2 colours in it.

So yeah, boring direction too.

I was just kind of... I got to the end of it and wondered well what has actually happened here. And I felt like I'd seen it all before. What little there was. Short on content I felt. Generic. Very very generic. My least favourite of the recent Marvel movies.


This felt sort of like that Black Widow movie we're all hoping they'll make. In which Scarlett Johannsen kicks infinite arse. I really quite enjoyed it, up until the very ending. Which I'll not spoil. But you sort of see it telegraphed at the beginning. And it's not a bad ending, it's just... very abrupt. And not as... satisfyingly complete as one hoped.

And I actually wanted to be told/shown what was on the USB drive.

It suffers from the problem of having made their title character uber-powerful right at the beginning so nothing else throughout the movie feels like much of a threat though. Apart from the brief moment on the plane, I was worried about her there.

Enjoyed it quite a lot though.


The recent version with The Rock as Hercules. And it has an amazing cast. John Hurt, Ian McShane, Rufus Sewell. And John Hurt has a big part in it. And he's terrific. Ian McShane is always amazing. And there is an awesome running joke with his character, the payoff of which at the end is just superb.

And I like The Rock. I have a bit of a mancrush on The Rock.

Anyway, it's silly nonsense, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Lots of sword fights? Check. Hawt warrior woman archery girl who kicks ass? Check. Ian McShane being awesome? Check.

The central conceit is rather nice too, it's set in the real world, but they create all these stories of monsters and Gods around thsi mercenary called Hercules, to make people fear him more. So there isn't any magic, just a man, and one of his companions is a bard, who tells all these stories about his epic labours.

It reminded me a bit of Jason And The Argonauts. So. Yeah. I loved it.

And at a side note, did Children In Need always make such a big deal out of having the utterly talentless Tess Daly constantly turning to camera to re-assure nervous Little-Britainers that they were not to worry, all money raised by children in Need goes to BRITISH CHILDREN! BRITISH MONEY FOR BRITISH CHILDREN! THOSE FILTHY BROWN CHILDREN WON'T GET A PENNY! SO YOU CAN DONATE SAFELY YOU HAPPY LITTLE RACIST FUCKERS!

Because it seemed like every time I flicked over, there she was, British Money for British Children. Really making a point of it.

Also, since when did S Club 7 become a cultural icon that the nation celebrates the re-uniting of?

Caution. Spoilers in comments.

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Date:2014-11-14 12:35
Subject:Philea Comments Redux.

We have a fucking winner:

I hope the added weight of the lander on the comet, whether it works or not, won't alter the comet's orbit too much, leading to unforeseen consequences, e.g. causing the comet to impact on the earth!

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